Law Career Development Counselor
I love networking but, believe me, that wasn’t always the case. I found the whole experience to be deeply uncomfortable. I was sure I was bothering people who didn’t really want to spend their limited time talking to me. I hated feeling like I was begging people for work. I didn’t know what to say. In other words, the stories I told myself about my ability to successfully network were neither motivating nor empowering. No wonder I avoided it!
Do you feel the same way? If so, you are not alone. Many people view networking as a distasteful chore or worse. So how did I go from hating networking to loving it? I started telling myself different stories.
People don’t want to spend their time talking to me; I’m just bothering them.
If the tables were turned and a friend of a friend of a friend reached out to you to ask about your career, how would you respond? Would you feel annoyed or put out by the request? Chances are you wouldn’t. Most of us are happy to help someone starting out in their career. It is likely the person you have reached out to feels the same way.
It’s easy to think that someone doesn’t want to talk to you when they don’t answer you right away, but it is unlikely it has anything to do with you. People are busy. They go to trial, get sick, and have work and personal emergencies. Usually there is a good reason why a contact hasn’t responded to you; you just don’t know what it is. Instead of assuming the contact doesn’t want to talk to you, try assuming that it has nothing to do with you. I did this once with a contact that hadn’t responded to three emails I sent over a period of 4 or 5 weeks. I assumed that it must be something going on with her. Not being discouraged by her lack of response, I sent a fourth email. She replied immediately, apologizing for not having responded sooner and thanking me for continuing to reach out. We went on to have a productive call – all because I told myself a different story about why she hadn’t responded.
I feel like I am begging for work.
Getting a job offer is not the objective of a networking conversation. Really. That is the objective of an interview. Your goal in networking conversations should be to (1) explore what kind of work and workplace would be a good match for you and (2) meet people who work in your intended field. Yes, it does sometimes happen that people are offered jobs during networking conversations. However, you can’t count on a job being available or the person with whom you are speaking being the decision-maker. If you go into the meetings hoping for a job offer, you are going to be frequently disappointed. More importantly, you are unlikely to be focused on soliciting information needed to ultimately make wise career choices, leading to long-term career satisfaction.
My “aha!” moment regarding networking came when I decided to transition from practicing attorney to a role in career and professional development. I decided my goal was to meet as many new people in my field as I could. With this shift in mindset, networking not only became easier but was sometimes even downright fun! I enjoyed meeting colleagues in my community. Far from feeling like a failure after every conversation because my contact didn’t offer me a job, I was triggering dopamine in my brain every time I succeeded in meeting someone. This in turn encouraged me to keep reaching out to contacts. Free from pressure, I was able to approach my networking conversations from a place of genuine curiosity and learned a lot about trends in the field, how different organizations approached the same problem, and where my contacts saw future opportunities. I always ended by asking who else they would recommend I talk to, and I enlisted their help in making introductions. Those relationships I developed paid off, leading to volunteer work which led to contracts which led to jobs. And, because I now know so many people in the field, I have been able to be that resource for others. I not only enjoy this, but my network has continued to grow.
I don’t know what to say.
Once you know your objective, figuring out what to say becomes easier. So many of us try to guess what will make the networking contact offer us a job; as none of us are mind readers, no wonder we are left feeling we don’t know what to say! Own your objective. Tell your contact why you reached out to them specifically and what kind of help you are looking for. Then ask a few questions. People generally love to talk about themselves, so let them! The irony is that if you let people talk while occasionally prompting them with a relevant question, they will leave thinking you were a brilliant conversationalist. Take the pressure off yourself! You’ll enjoy networking more, which means you’re more likely to do it, which means you are more likely to achieve your objectives.
Telling yourself different stories about networking is the first step in becoming a better networker. However, building new networking habits is a process and takes time. Don’t beat yourself up if you initially fall back into old patterns. Simply observe it and figure out how you will handle the situation differently next time.
Need some help developing a networking strategy or practicing networking skills? Make an appointment with one of our career counselors at Law Career Development.
Tammy Dawson is a career counselor in LCD. After practicing immigration law for over a decade, she obtained a coaching certificate and has been coaching, developing training curriculum, and generally helping lawyers and law students achieve their objectives and perform at their best ever since.
